Doctor Rafa Plays with the Internets

God, I love coffee. Of course, since I spent all my meals for the day on coffee, I'm a little stumped about what to do about food.

...but who cares. I have coffee.

I haven't really been able to eat much lately. Something about the feeling of being full is unsettling. Not unsettling in an upsetting sort of way, but I feel like I can't move, and I don't feel hungry all that often. Perhaps it's because I've been sleeping more? I do feel tired a lot more. I took a nap today for two hours...then got more coffee.

So, I've been trying to understand some fetishes that are very alien to me, lately. Just because--the topic interests me, and I like to know how sexual associations work, especially if they're ones I don't at all have. Right now I'm trying to understand a disease and pestilence type fetish. As in, someone who gets off looking at pus, boils, vomit, I guess scat would go here. It's not something I feel really at all, and imagining myself in those scenarios is pretty nausea-inducing, but I think I'm starting to get the idea anyway. How do you think it works? The mindset is--interesting.

I don't mean to freak anyone out with all this alternative-sexuality stuff lately, it's just been in my mind lately as an area of interest. Like, take people who are into amputees? What is the mindset there that makes a lack of limbs sexually attractive, makes that the important feature? Is it the helplessness, maybe (in the case of all four limbs, as seems to be semi-common). But then, wikipedia said that such people prefer only one limb, or one of each. Maybe it's just the mutilation? I'm curious, since again it isn't something that I automatically understand.

How about insects? Maggots in particular seem popular. Perhaps it is just sexual associations with the grotesque, or fear-adrenaline-fascination with death and the mechanical degradation of our bodies after death?

I admit I sort of think all this is sort of cool. Not sexual, for me, but cool.

Oh, and my professor brought up Body Identity Integrity Disorder (I think that's the official name) in Bioethics last class, and it was pretty amusing to watch the looks of absolute horror on the faces of my classmates. "There are people...who voluntarily chop off their -limbs-!" It strikes me that such people don't seem to think that mental illnesses are actually real. Their reactions are always something like "but why don't they just--not do that and get a real job, and a real girlfriend, and everything would be better!" It's idiotic, and easy to brush aside such people as ignorant, but I wonder at the average person's conception of what a mental illness really is. In my experience, people seem to see it as weakness, or a cry for attention. Also interesting, but in a slightly more depressing way.