"When travelling to rural Alaska I learnt that people there don’t lock their homes. When they’re away, especially in winter, they don’t just leave them unlocked, they prepare a fire ready to be lit in the hearth, and they stock the cupboards with food and water. I remember an Alaskan seeing my surprise at this and saying, “It’s not like where you live; we still need each other here.”

Perhaps this is why a stranger’s kindness resonates? In cities and suburbs, more so in affluent countries, day-to-day survival isn’t an issue any more (even if it doesn’t always feel like that). We don’t physically need one another in order to live now. And without needing one another, we’re not properly connected. Where would the sense of connection come from?

Alaska made me realise we lost meaning once our survival was secured. The struggle for survival is the meaning, and if your survival’s even moderately in question, that ties you to others around you – it forces you to team up with them, depend on them, serve them. Real or imagined danger connects people, and our connection to others is scientifically proven to be the pinnacle of experience."

Good advice I got: prioritize self-care. Get your love and your groove on.

Resolutions Update: I didn't lose 20 pounds for my wedding. But I lost 12, so that's damn well close enough.
Past the halfway mark to 60 books:

Books Read 2012 (Goal: 60) So far: 34
The Oathbound--Mercedes Lackey
Oathbreakers--Mercedes Lackey
Oathblood--Mercedes Lackey
The Last Werewolf--Glen Duncan
Collected Poems--Philip Larkin
Blueprints for Building Better Girls--Elissa Schappell
The Scorpio Races--Maggie Stiefvater
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer--Michelle Hodkin
Kraken--China Mieville
The Silver Metal Lover--Tanith Lee
 Outlander--Diana Gabaldon
Firelight--Sophie Jordan
Moral Relativism and Moral Objectivity--Harman and Thomson
How to Read a Poem--Molly Peacock
Vanish--Sophie Jordan
The Closing of the American Mind--Allan Bloom
The Public and Its Problems--John Dewey
Ship Of Magic--Robin Hobb
Jean-Jacques Rousseau: A Friend of Virtue--Joseph R. Reisert
Rousseau and Desire--Blackell, Duncan, Kow
The Immortal Prince--Jennifer Fallon
Rousseau: Nature and the Problem of the Good Life--Laurence D. Cooper
John Dewey and Self-Realization--Robert J. Roth
John Dewey and the Artful Life: Pragmatism, Aesthetics and Morality--Scott R Stroud
Starcrossed--Josephine Angelini
Bounty--Harper Alexander
Grimspace--Ann Aguirre
Cry Wolf--Patricia Briggs
How to Be Richer, Smarter, and Better-Looking Than Your Parents--Zac Bissonnette
Mistborn--Brandon Sanderson
Natural Goodness--Philippa Foot
On Virtue Ethics--Rosalind Hursthouse
Noncognitivism in Ethics--Mark Schroeder
Skios--Michael Frayn

Currently reading: The Philosopher's Handbook (Rosen), Foundations of Ethics:An Anthology (editted by Schafer-Landau and Cuneo) and Death In Venice (Mann).

Piano: Done Nothing
Projects: Done Nothing
Philosophically worthwhile: We'll see how this current project goes. It started out with what I thought was an actual, unique idea in metaethics--but it may be total shit.
Friendships: Who the fuck can tell. I've been trying. I'm discouraged. Everyone is so self involved, I don't really think they see me most of the time, or put any effort into doing so. My new friendships are blooming wonderfully (hey hey!).

Were there others?

"He brushed his teeth. Standing upright, scrubbing the teeth as if he were looking after an idol. He then ran the big old-fashioned tub to sponge himself, backing into the thick stream of the Roman faucet, soaping beneath with the same cake of soap he would apply later to his beard.

Under the swell of his belly, the tip of his parts, somewhere between his heels. His heels needed scrubbing.

He dried himself with yesterday’s shirt, an economy. It was going to the laundry anyway. Yes, with the self-respecting expression human beings inherit from ancestors for whom bathing was a solemnity. A sadness. But every civilized man today cultivated an unhealthy self-detachment. Had learned from art the art of amusing self-observation and objectivity. Which, since there had to be something amusing to watch, required art in one’s conduct.

Existence for the sake of such practices did not seem worthwhile. Mankind was in a confusing, uncomfortable, disagreeable stage in the evolution of its consciousness. Dr. Braun (Samuel) did not like it. It made him sad to feel that the thought, art, belief of great traditions should be so misemployed. "


Saul Bellow, “The Old System,” originally published in Playboy (January 1968), reprinted in Collected Stories (NY: Viking, 2001), pp. 90-116, here pp. 90f.

Well

Well, I -was- having a good day. Goddamn.

People always forget the end of this poem

For whatever reason, it seems like people in my life have decided a fragment of this poem is a proper response when talking about women (usually themselves). The line I hear a lot is "Girls love a sick child or a healthy animal/A man who's both itches them like an incubus"

She Bitches About Boys (Marilyn Hacker)

To live on charm, one must be courteous.

To live on others’ love, one must be loveable.

Some get away with murder being beautiful.

Girls love a sick child or a healthy animal.

A man who’s both itches them like an incubus.

But I, for one, have had a bellyful

of giving reassurances and obvious

advice with scrambled eggs and cereal;

then bad debts, broken dates, and lecherous

onanastic dreams of estival

nights when some high-strung, well-hung, penurious

boy, not knowing what he’d get, could be more generous."

Let's all remember together that we don't 'fix' each other, and that this view of 'feminine' standards (as well as being misandric in its expectations for the man's role in the relationship) is shitty and labels you the Unfun Police forever.

Just...getting tired of repeating that one. >>

Me problems

My lover's advice on a 'friend' I've been uncomfortable with for years seems sound.

The fact is that I'm not okay with her. For a lot of reasons. I have little to nothing in common with her, we have not talked about anything that was not either banal or about her problems in...multiple years, and she really hurt my family.

It's my problem, as I've consistently downplayed how big of a problem this is for our friendship. This was a bad move. It's much better to be upfront with people, even if they will react badly.

Since my wedding is coming up in June, I feel like I have to do this now, as at the moment I'm not entirely comfortable inviting her to my wedding. And my wedding is small enough that no one I don't wholeheartedly love and consistently connect with should be there.

I'm trying to figure out how to bring this up, and what would be most constructive. It's gotten to the point where I almost feel like I'm leading the friend on by allowing her to think we're okay. We're not okay.