People always forget the end of this poem

For whatever reason, it seems like people in my life have decided a fragment of this poem is a proper response when talking about women (usually themselves). The line I hear a lot is "Girls love a sick child or a healthy animal/A man who's both itches them like an incubus"

She Bitches About Boys (Marilyn Hacker)

To live on charm, one must be courteous.

To live on others’ love, one must be loveable.

Some get away with murder being beautiful.

Girls love a sick child or a healthy animal.

A man who’s both itches them like an incubus.

But I, for one, have had a bellyful

of giving reassurances and obvious

advice with scrambled eggs and cereal;

then bad debts, broken dates, and lecherous

onanastic dreams of estival

nights when some high-strung, well-hung, penurious

boy, not knowing what he’d get, could be more generous."

Let's all remember together that we don't 'fix' each other, and that this view of 'feminine' standards (as well as being misandric in its expectations for the man's role in the relationship) is shitty and labels you the Unfun Police forever.

Just...getting tired of repeating that one. >>

Me problems

My lover's advice on a 'friend' I've been uncomfortable with for years seems sound.

The fact is that I'm not okay with her. For a lot of reasons. I have little to nothing in common with her, we have not talked about anything that was not either banal or about her problems in...multiple years, and she really hurt my family.

It's my problem, as I've consistently downplayed how big of a problem this is for our friendship. This was a bad move. It's much better to be upfront with people, even if they will react badly.

Since my wedding is coming up in June, I feel like I have to do this now, as at the moment I'm not entirely comfortable inviting her to my wedding. And my wedding is small enough that no one I don't wholeheartedly love and consistently connect with should be there.

I'm trying to figure out how to bring this up, and what would be most constructive. It's gotten to the point where I almost feel like I'm leading the friend on by allowing her to think we're okay. We're not okay.